12 questions to ask your parents before it's too late
The best questions to ask your parents are about them, not about you. Most of us only know our parents as parents. These questions ask about the people they were before we came along, and who they became while raising us. They are hand-picked from the 200 guided prompts inside MEMAURIA, grouped by theme, each with a follow-up that keeps the story going. Ask one at a time, and record the answers on video so you keep their voice and their face.
You've only ever known them as your parents.
Before they were Mom or Dad, they were someone with a first job, a first heartbreak, and a plan that didn't work out. That person is still in there, and almost nobody asks about them. The only way to meet them is to ask.
The question you never ask becomes the one you wonder about forever.
Research on regret by Cornell psychologist Thomas Gilovich found that, over the long run, people regret what they didn't do far more than what they did. Ask people who have lost a parent what they would give for one more conversation, and many will name a question they never got to ask.Gilovich & Medvec, Psychological Review, 1995
Ask while it's still easy.
It doesn't need a special occasion. The next time you're together, or the next time you call, ask one small question and just listen. People open up when someone genuinely wants to know, and Harvard neuroscientists Diana Tamir and Jason Mitchell found that talking about ourselves activates the brain's reward system. Here are the questions to ask your parents first.Tamir & Mitchell, PNAS, 2012
Childhood
Start here. Asking your parents about their own childhood is disarming and fun, and it shows you a side of them you've never seen.
- What did you want to be when you grew up?
- What trouble did you get into as a child?
- What's a story your family always tells about you as a child?
Follow-up that works: Ask "Who got you out of trouble?" or "What did your parents say?" Childhood stories usually have a second character, and that person is often a grandparent you will learn something new about.
Raising you
These are the stories only they can tell: what it was really like to become your parent, from the other side.
- What do you remember about the day your first child was born?
- What surprised you most about becoming a parent?
- What do you hope they remember about their childhood?
Follow-up that works: Ask about one specific day instead of parenting in general: a first day of school, a birthday, a hospital waiting room. Specific days hold the feelings that general answers leave out.
Love
You know how your parents' story turned out. These questions get you the beginning.
- When did you know it was love?
- How did you propose, or how were you proposed to?
- What would you tell a couple just starting out?
Follow-up that works: Ask what their friends thought at the time, and what their own parents said. Love stories get richer when you hear who was watching.
Wisdom
Save these for when the conversation is flowing. They're the answers you'll come back to for the rest of your life.
- What do you know now that you wish you'd known at twenty?
- What would you say to your younger self?
- What matters far more than you once thought?
Follow-up that works: Ask "Who taught you that?" Most wisdom was handed down by someone, and hearing about them connects one generation of your family to the next.
What makes a MEMAURIA question different
Small enough to answer
"What was your life like?" is too big to start. "What did you want to be when you grew up?" gets them talking right away.
Built on the senses
Places, smells, songs and rooms bring a moment back, so what you get is a story, not a summary.
One memory per question
Each prompt is sized for one answer and one short video. Easy to give, and easy to watch again years from now.
Made to be asked, one at a time
Written to be said out loud
They sound like something you would ask at the dinner table, not like an interview or a form.
200 of them, across 11 themes
Childhood, family, love, parenting, friendship, work, home, hard times, joy, milestones and wisdom. Plenty for every visit home.
Asked one at a time
MEMAURIA asks a single question at a time, so it never feels like homework. Just one good question, and their answer.
How to get your parents talking
Ask about them, not about you
Your parents had a whole life before they were your parents. Ask about the person they were back then.
Ask one question, then stop
Resist adding a second question or an example. Give them room to answer in their own way.
Let a pause be a pause
Silence usually means they are remembering. Wait it out. What comes next is often the best part.
Keep it short, and keep it on video
Follow the feeling
When their voice changes, stay there. "What was that like?" goes further than moving on to the next question.
Keep it short
One memory per sitting. Ten good minutes is easier on everyone than an afternoon interview.
Record it on video
So you keep their voice, their laugh and their face, not just the words. See how to record family stories on video.
Asking your parents: common questions
What if my parents think it's awkward?
Frame it as curiosity, not a project: "I realized I don't know this about you." Start with a light, fun question, like what they wanted to be when they grew up. Most people warm up quickly once a story gets going.
What if we don't live near each other?
Distance doesn't have to stop you. They can record their own answers on their own phone. In MEMAURIA, you invite them with a simple text, and they answer at their own pace.
Should I ask about hard times?
Eventually, and gently. Start with lighter themes like childhood and love. Once they're comfortable, questions about hard times often lead to the stories that matter most.
How often should we do this?
One question a week is a great pace. Within a year it adds up to a remarkable collection, and it never feels like a chore.
Get all 200 prompts in MEMAURIA
MEMAURIA asks one question at a time, records the answer on video, and keeps every memory in your family's private library.
Free to start · Private by design · Made with love for families