12 questions to ask your grandparents before it's too late
The best questions to ask your grandparents are small and specific. "Tell me about your childhood" is too big a place to start. "Describe the street you grew up on" gives them somewhere to stand, and the story follows. These 12 are hand-picked from the 200 guided prompts inside MEMAURIA, grouped by theme, each with a follow-up that keeps the story going. Ask one at a time, and record the answers on video so you keep their voice and their face, not just the words.
Their stories aren't written down anywhere.
They live in one place: in them. The street they grew up on, the way they met, the thing they would do differently if they could. When nobody asks, those stories don't get told. Not because they were secret. Because no one asked.
One day you'll want to hear them tell it again.
Research on regret by Cornell psychologist Thomas Gilovich found that, looking back over a lifetime, people regret the things they didn't do far more than the things they did. The conversation you keep meaning to have is exactly that kind of thing. It always feels like there will be a next visit.Gilovich & Medvec, Psychological Review, 1995
Be the one who asked.
It doesn't take a family historian or a free weekend. It takes one small question and ten minutes of listening. And asking is a gift to them, too: Harvard neuroscientists Diana Tamir and Jason Mitchell found that talking about ourselves activates the brain's reward system. Start with one of these questions to ask your grandparents.Tamir & Mitchell, PNAS, 2012
Childhood
The easiest place to start. Childhood memories are vivid, usually happy, and they get the whole conversation going.
- Describe the street you grew up on.
- What's a smell that takes you straight back to childhood?
- What did holidays look like when you were growing up?
Follow-up that works: Go to the senses. Ask what they could hear from their bedroom window, or what the kitchen smelled like on a Sunday. Sensory details pull people back into the moment, and the story comes out on its own.
Family & heritage
Your grandparents are the living link to everyone who came before them. These questions pull on that thread.
- Where did your family come from before they came here?
- What traditions did your family keep?
- What's a family recipe that should never be lost?
Follow-up that works: Ask "Who told you that?" Family stories travel from person to person, and finding out where one came from usually leads straight to a second story.
Love & marriage
Every family starts with a love story, and most grandchildren have only ever heard the short version.
- Where did you go on your first date?
- What was your wedding day like?
- What's the hardest season your relationship survived?
Follow-up that works: Ask for the small facts: what they were wearing, what the weather was, what song was playing. A love story is made of details like these, and they bring the rest of it back.
Wisdom & legacy
Save these until they're warmed up. These are the answers your family will come back to for generations.
- What do you hope your grandchildren know about you?
- What's a truth it took you a lifetime to learn?
- If you could leave one story behind, what would it be?
Follow-up that works: When they share a lesson, ask for the story behind it: "When did you learn that?" The lesson is the headline. The story is what your family will want to hear again.
What makes a MEMAURIA question different
Small enough to answer
"Tell me about your life" stalls a conversation. "Describe the street you grew up on" starts one. Every prompt gives the person a specific place to begin.
Built on the senses
Smells, sounds, rooms and songs carry people back into a moment, so the answer comes out as a story instead of a summary.
One memory per question
Each prompt is sized for a single answer, recorded in one short video. Small pieces are easier to give, and easier to come back to.
Made to be asked, one at a time
Written to be said out loud
They read like something a grandchild would ask across the kitchen table, not like a form to fill in.
200 of them, across 11 themes
Childhood, family, love, parenting, friendship, work, home, hard times, joy, milestones and wisdom. Enough for years of Sunday afternoons.
Asked one at a time
MEMAURIA asks a single question at a time, so it never feels like a questionnaire. Just one good question, and their answer.
How to ask so the real stories come out
Ask one question, then stop
Resist adding a second question or an example. Let them find their own way in.
Get comfortable with silence
A pause usually means they are remembering. The best part of an answer often comes right after one.
Follow the feeling, not your list
If their voice changes, stay there. "What was that like?" will take you further than the next question on the page.
Keep it small, and start this week
One memory per sitting
A focused ten minutes beats an exhausting afternoon, and it makes the next conversation easy to start.
Record their face and voice
The words are only part of it. Their laugh, their pauses and their expression are what your family will treasure most. Here is how to record family stories on video.
Start this week
There is never a perfect time. The right time is the next time you are together, or the next time you call.
Asking your grandparents: common questions
How many questions should I ask at once?
One. A single, specific question gives them room to tell a whole story. You can always ask a follow-up, and the next question can wait for the next conversation.
What if my grandparent doesn't want to talk about something?
Let it go gently and move to a lighter question. Hard memories sometimes come up on their own later, once they're comfortable. Never push. The goal is a conversation they enjoy.
Can I record my grandparents if we live far apart?
Yes. They can record their own answers on their own phone. In MEMAURIA, you invite them with a simple text, and they answer the questions at their own pace, wherever they are.
How long should each answer be?
A few minutes is plenty. Short answers about one memory are easier to give, and much easier to watch years from now, than one long interview.
Get all 200 prompts in MEMAURIA
MEMAURIA asks one question at a time, records the answer on video, and keeps every memory in your family's private library.
Free to start · Private by design · Made with love for families